What If...?

Do you ever have one of those nights when you'd just like to crawl into bed and sleep for a few days straight? I'm having one of those nights :/ It's not the night itself that got me in a "down" mood...it was just the circumstances. One of my biggest fears in the world is rejection...and I had to face some of that tonight :( And it hurt. I don't understand it, and I don't think I even want to try. Honestly, I wouldn't want to have a conversation long enough to find out exactly why it happened. I just want to accept that it did, and move on with my life.

If only, right?

What if it really was that easy? What if I could just take a deep breath, swallow the pain, and move on with my life? What if rejection didn't actually hurt? What if...? *sigh* I guess there's no real answer to those questions. Like I said...accept and move on. Tonight I tried to do that. I didn't cry. I didn't fall apart. I didn't even sit on my kitchen floor! (sounds weird, but seriously...my kitchen floor is a great place to think. I sit with my back up against my warm oven, drink a cup of tea, and just think about stuff. You should try it sometime...the world looks like a completely different place when you're sitting on your kitchen floor :P ) But I didn't react that way this time. Instead, I decided to go out to Bible study and hang with some of my bestest friends in the whole world. They never fail to make me laugh, and I ALWAYS have a good time. I forget my troubles, live in the moment, and laugh until I sound like a man. (They'd understand that reference.)

But then I have to go home. And for me, home means sitting alone on my bed...not laughing anymore...and thinking over the events of the day. Once again I'm faced with the reminder that I've been rejected, and it hits me again...almost harder. The reality sinks in and I start to "feel." Depending on the situation, I either feel angry, upset, or just plain sad. Tonight I'm sad. Very sad.

I never promised myself I'd never be sad again, but I did try and promise myself that I would make better choices about dealing with my sadness. So far, I think I've done okay. It just...stinks to be sad :( Anyways...I'm not sure what the purpose of this post was, except that it was a good way to vent a little and deal with my sadness by expressing myself, rather than bottling all my feelings up inside. I've found that doesn't work so well :S

On a positive note, tomorrow is Monday! Sounds weird to be excited about a Monday, but it's the second Monday of the month. And on Monday in November, I write a note to three people. I already received texts back from the three people I wrote to last week, and they seemed to appreciate the notes...so I think it was a success :) I'm excited to do it again tomorrow!

Like I've said before, please feel free to join in! I think it'd be great if people did it along with me...it's nice to have company :) Plus it's a nice feeling to know that someone appreciated something you did for them. In fact, it's a great way to counteract rejection...acceptance :)